Chuck Norris jokes

[labontefanboy]

Discuss favorite Chuck Norris jokes here. I'll start it off-
Chuck Norris uses his dick to look around corners.
Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Unfortunately, he never cries.

 

[pennst24]

Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, the time is whatever he wants it to be.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.

 

[baboontester]

O how I love Chuck Norris Jokes! lol

All Chuck Norris Facts & Jokes | Chuck Norris Facts

 

[JeffJordan]

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

 

[mgcastro]

Chuck Norris has gone to infinite twice.

 

[RR1292]

while urinating chuck norris is capable of welding titanium.

chuck norris once ordered a steak at a restaurant. the steak did what it was told.

industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. chuck norris needs toothpicks.

nothing can escape the gravity of a blackhole. except for chuck norris. chuck norris eats blackholes. they taste like chicken.

IF, by some incredible space time paradox, chuck norris would ever fight himself he'd win PERIOD.

everyone loves raymond, except chuck norris.

Chuck norris does not own a stove, microwave, or oven b/c revenge is a dish best served cold.

when you say "no one's perfect", chuck norris takes this as a personal insult.

:LOL:

 

[ValvolineMan]

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
When Chuck Norris falls out of a boat he dosn't get wet the water gets Chuck Norrised.
When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow down.

 

[Markfan]

Chuck Norris can walk through walls, but he doesn't because it would make us feel inferior(er).
Chuck Norris doesn't compete in auto racing because the race cars can't handle his epicness.
Birds don't fly, they're thrown by Chuck Norris so quickly you can't see him doing it.
Santa's reindeer didn't eat magical food, they met Chuck Norris.
If you think you survived a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris, you've been in the sun too long.
If a car stops working while Chuck Norris is in it, it didn't break down, it just wanted to be with him longer.
Whenever Chuck Norris blinks it causes an earthquake.
Chuck Norris doesn't regularly surf because he only rides Tsunamis.
Chuck Norris drinks spicy buffalo wing sauce when he feels thirsty.
An atom can only be smashed by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can create diamonds out of spaghetti.
Chuck Norris always gets the best deals at flea market auctions because the other bidders faint instantly from his epicness.
If Chuck Norris climbed Mount Everest, it would crumble under his weight.